I can’t get this quote out of my mind. The Holy Spirit is using it to really tear down some walls in my mind and heart.

“Nine-tenths of our suffering is caused by others not thinking so much of us as we think they ought. If you want to know where pride nestles and festers in most of us, that is right where it is; and it is not the opposition of others, but our own pride, which causes us the deepest hurt. I never read a word that penetrated more deeply into the sin of pride from which all of us suffer, nor one which opens up more surgically our places of unforgiveness.

-Samuel Moor Shoemaker

Lately I’ve been surrounded by people who think stay at home moms do nothing.  They aren’t rude about it, but their mannerisms toward me, their words about those who work outside the home, and their views on life in general clearly shout how lowly they view the role I have chosen for my life.  I have allowed the way they speak to me to affect how I act.  I want to prove them wrong.

But then that’s a trap too.  Its amazing how quickly someone’s opinion of you can zap the contentment you have with where God has placed you in life.

“Nine-tenths of our suffering is caused by others not thinking so much of us as we think they ought.”

Man that quote has been convicting the past two weeks.

What would life look like if my pride was completely gone?  If I didn’t have such a high opinion of myself so that I even thought that others cared what I did?

I think everyone wants to feel important.  After 5 years of staying home, I’m past the stage of wanting to write out everything I do, or tell everyone how hard I have it, or prove to everyone that I am important.   But it still hurts when people speak words that make me feel very unimportant.

Truth be told, I wouldn’t survive working outside the home.  My spirit would be crushed if I had to put my kids in daycare.  My marriage would suffer if I pursued a career outside my home.  I would just plain be miserable.

Because that’s how God created me.   Don’t hear me wrong, I”m not making a stand that staying home with your kids is the only way to go.  The Holy Spirit clearly is in charge of who should work and who should stay home.   The Holy Spirit has clearly convicted Brent and I that staying home with the kids is my path.

This quote kicked me in the gut, convicted me of my pride as I nursed my wounds from others words, and reminded me of the whole spiritual journey we are all on.

Most of the time others won’t understand what God has called you to.  But knowing for sure what God calls you to do and then doing it brings a peace beyond all understanding.

She showed up for work with ashes on her forehead.  I looked at her strange.  In my 22 years of life, I had never seen anyone with ashes on her forehead.

“Its Ash Wednesday.” I must have looked confused because she shrugged as she walked away and said, “ Maybe its just a Catholic thing.”

I had this judgmental view of Catholicism that automatically made me think, “well if its a Catholic thing, I want no part of it.  It must be lifeless.”

But yet I was curious. Why would these people get up at dawn, go to Mass before coming to work, and wear ashes on their forehead all day long?  I loved God a lot, but pretty sure I wasn’t up to that task.  Besides, tradition doesn’t make you walk any closer with God…at least I told myself that.

At 24, I attempted to participate in Lent, but it really was just a way to encourage myself to eat a bit better.  I was getting married that summer after all.  At the end of 40 days, I didn’t see any real spiritual benefits in my participation in Lent.  “See tradition really is lifeless.” I told myself.  I never once thought about my motivation behind participating in the tradition.

Its funny how God always seems to convict me of my foolish judgments made in the past. Here I am, 10 years after judging my first view of Ash Wednesday, and God is pushing me to better understand the tradition of Lent.

As I’ve read, here are the descriptions I’ve discovered..

Lent is a time of sacrifice for Jesus

The traditional purpose of Lent is the preparation of the believer

Lent is a season of soul-searching and repentance. It is a season for reflection and taking stock

The purpose of Lent is to be a season of fasting, self-denial, Christian growth, penitence, conversion, and simplicity. Lent, which comes from the Teutonic (Germanic) word for springtime, can be viewed as a spiritual spring cleaning: a time for taking spiritual inventory and then cleaning out those things which hinder our corporate and personal relationships with Jesus Christ and our service to him.

Nothing about those descriptions sound trite or lifeless.  Once again, God is showing me that when the heart is seeking God, even the most liturgical traditions can be very life giving.   I’ve definitely regretted all those judging words about empty and lifeless churches and their traditions.  Its only if the heart is lifeless that the tradition will be lifeless.   The tradition is just a means to an end.  If my heart desires to seek God in a deeper way, the tradition of Lent is just a structure to help me do it.  The structure doesn’t make me holy; seeking God above all else makes me holy.   Sometimes it takes a set amount of time spent in self-denial to seek God in a deeper way.

So God has softened my heart and opened my eyes to the benefit of spending the next forty days intentionally denying myself and sacrificing things in order to clean out myself spiritually and prepare my heart again for what God has for me.

Happy Ash Wednesday